Recovery Cults?

We are now halfway through the first *reporting* month of our bankruptcy.  My relief is greater than I expected, though not as great as I have been told to expect.  One creditor in particular continues to call me stating it is not their responsibility to contact my estate administrator, it is mine to send them the papers (Wrong - the estate administrator has to send them legal papers for them to file their claim....but anyways...).  Another creditor specifically stated they don't believe I'm in bankruptcy and maintain that I am just trying to get out of paying them.  The third creditor, to which I owe security, insists they have the right to come to my house and collect the security without requiring any contact with the administrator (again wrong).

**sigh**

So the ringer-off function is still my best friend until the administrator has completed the legal paperwork.

In the meantime, my wonderful husband (jury is out on whether that is meant sarcastically) is having no problems with his creditors.  It figures.  There has been one major repercussion with respect to his experience of this whole thing.....

...he has returned to his periodic drinking binges (long story - nutshell version is that he has not done this in almost 2 years) and it has progressed a notch.  Rather than just unwittingly *ending up* drinking with his friend (singular), he now plots it out enough ahead of time to lie about his destination right from the beginning and get the *friend* to randomly call me looking for him, while the whole time he is there drinking with him.  The returning home and passing out in his supper plate in front of the kids (7,9,12) has not changed.  Nor has the sheepish "I know I screwed up" face I get the next day, along with the meek, barely audible "'m srrry" that no longer carries any weight.

So last week, for the first time ever, I went to Alanon.  Not bad ... sort of.  Very small group and I will honour all that "what is said here stays here" stuff - with the exception of my perspective on the way their program has been explained to me ... which is all available  in the abundance of literature I left the meeting with.  Armloads, even.  First off, I did agree to give it 6 weeks before deciding.  Hopefully I am intelligent enough to decipher that fine line where brainwashing begins before I get hooked.

That said, there were some very -  interesting  - concepts that I am contemplating.

• I am impressed and anxious to get to the boundary setting.  I know I do this now, but likely not very consistently.  

• I am intrigued by the idea that I might have a chance to live a *normal* life while my husband sits drooling with his face plastered in a lasagna dish at my dinner table in front of my children, and be able to carry on as though nothing is wrong and my children are not in any sort of emotional/psychological danger as long as I pretend everything is normal and don't react. "Honey, please pass the salt....pardon? No, just roll it around daddy's ball cap."  (because it's only a problem if I make it one).  O.o

• A reading on loneliness gave way to reflection and reassurance knowing that it is normal to be lonely when (if) my husband decides to join AA and that the fact that any and all remaining snippets of family time will be replaced entirely by his attending daily/nightly meetings because becoming dependent on his AA buddies is a necessary part of his recovery and that it is right and good for the program to take priority over family members. (because we are also sick, right?!)

In all seriousness, this last point actually truly scares me.  Not because it necessitates change, but because it promotes the development of a cult mentality.  The fact that we rely on a higher power is not so much an issue with me since I already pray and have faith and all that - (and as you can see, it has helped so much).  It's the whole promoting separation of families thing that is setting off red flags.  I get that we are experiencing the issue AND the recovery process differently, which means we have different needs in order to obtain serenity.  I just don't understand (yet?) how a family is supposed to heal and become a family unit when the focus of the program is to make family members dependent more on their Alanon buddies and the addict dependent on his/her AA buddies.  Aside from the fact that these buddies are supposedly more healthy, how is this idea any different from the addict spending all his time with the drinking buddies rather than his/her own family?  The family is still never going to see him....assuming he's working the program correctly.

Okay, so I think it is probably clear that I am starting off this program on the wrong foot.  Critics may (and probably will - if I ever end up with a readership) chastise me for not giving it a chance, not keeping an open mind, openly criticizing such a wonderful/popular/effective program that has helped millions - if not billions - of people.  That's fine.  Everyone is entitled to their opinions - as long as they are not abusive (name calling) about it.  [remember folks - "I" language is your friend].  My father calls this gathering information to make an informed decision.  Other groups would probably call this apostate behavior.  I don't know.  All I know for sure is that people who are in particularly vulnerable positions due to stress, major change, chaos etc are especially susceptible to being drawn into groups that appear to provide unconditional love and acceptance and will go to extremes to ensure they fit in (ie: do whatever bidding TPTB request or preach).  I. Refuse. To. Be. One.

I said that about one particular religious group and have never lived to regret it (although they may not agree - since it's not this life that we are supposed to be concerned about, right?!)

O.o

Going back to bed now.  Maybe I'll have a revelation of some sort tonight that will put all this into the proper perspective.

Until next time....