Today DH and I went to a school-wide meeting about this new bullying program some of our local schools have been starting to use. I found it very interesting. DH did too, although he was a bit more direct about some of his concerns. I suppose in order to put this all into perspective I should provide some background.
Our son has been on the receiving end of quite a lot of bulllying lately. It started at the end of elementary school but has progressed considerably since moving to middle school. We (and by 'we' I mean 'I') have been keeping in close contact with the school regarding each instance we are made aware of. The most recent event resulted in a big 'intervention' type meeting between myself, my son (oops, our son), the school counselors and the principal. The staff did a good job of making our son feel comfortable and provide all the dirt on what's been going on. Afterwards, however, the few questions I had about how this 'new' program really works. Each of my questions was responded to with some hesitation and then the whole explanation about the fact that the program was new and they were still getting the bugs out. Okay......except that's not what I asked. Anyway, at the end DH and I were "invited" to attend this school pseudo-training thing on how it works.
It has some decent concepts and it appears the thought process behind the program was fairly well thought out. And then we come to the part where one of the teachers asks what exactly the consequences are for the "people who engage in bullying behaviour' (because, you know, it's politically incorrect to call them 'bullies'). The question came from numerous references to how important it is that the consequencing be consistant. Always. No matter what 'degree' of bullying took place.
The response to the teachers question was "Well, each school will have different consequences, so you'll need to consult with the 'team' that created the consequences for your school."
What was that, oh great trainer, about the consistancy??
*sigh*
And then there is the whole thing about 'telling' vs 'tattling'. The teachers were cautioned to be clear on the difference - except that the difference wasn't explained. This is where DH's comments came in to play. He related a story to the trainer about a situation that took place not very long ago in one of the schools that has had this program in place for a while. It involved one of our neighborhood bullies (who attended our daughter's same school) pushing our (much younger) daughter down onto the hard wooden edged sandbox at the school. The supervisor, who was actually the vice principal, responded to her reporting the incident with "well, are you okay?" She said "I think so". And the principal said "okay then, don't worry about it". End of story.
I could go into so much more detail but I choose not too because I can feel myself getting too emotionally caught up in it all again. But suffice it to say that what the teachers are actually DOING is contrary to what they SAY they are doing. And contrary to what they are telling every kid in the school to do - which is.....trust them to take the bullying seriously and they will be protected. (Whatever that really means).
All I can say at this point is......I am starting to understand why so many parents opt for homeschooling.
But that's a topic for another day.
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2 comments:
Also, I'd like to see the same sorts of consequences for kids who bully with words, not just hands. There's a big difference between girls and boys . . . I was bullied quite a bit in school, though no one ever hit me.
Absolutely! The physical violence is so much more clearly proven - especially when it leaves physical scars or incapacity. There are still so many what you might call 'old schoolers' that continue to believe the old "sticks and stones" way of dealing with the issues. The effects of verbal bullying and bullying by exclusion (that girls are oh so famous for) can last much longer and effect kids much more deeply than the physical. Not to undermine the effects of physical bullying however. I think part of the reason it has such long lasting effects is primarily because it goes unnoticed and/or unconsequenced. Often if you speak to adults who were abused as children, those who were emotionally abused will state they would have rather been hit, because the physical wounds can heal, but the words and emotional effects of the unspoken last a lifetime.
Again, that said I do not mean to minimize physical bullying/violence.
My dad used to tell me when I was young that the way boys handled conflict and the way girls handled conflict were completely different. The boys would get right at it - one to one - and get it over with. A day or a week later or so the two rivals could be seen joking around together in the halls. The girls on the otherhand launched slam campaigns on other girls that sometimes lasted entire semesters and even throughout high school.
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